Many individuals with Autism interpret what they see and hear literally. My Donomite is one who interprets this way. There is something refreshing about it. But most of all I know that he means it when he says “I love you Mommy!”, And “I want my mommy!”.

His literalness is also what helps us find the humor in all of the ups and downs of our journey. Some may think that having a child with Autism is a heavy burden, but just like my two “typical” children Donomite is a blessing! And I love just the way he is literally!!!!

This is my 100th Tumblr. Blog!!! and I want to make it special, so this blog is going to be about “THE DIAGNOSIS”! 

Donovan was 22 months old when he was diagnosed.  He was a very well behaved,  self entertaining, cried very little, and babbled.  He said Mama, and Dada.  All seemed “Typical”.  But as a mother, and having a baby literally one year and three days before I gave birth to him.  I started to get a gut feeling and my mother’s intuition was telling something wasn’t quite right. 

I started noticing that he wasnt babbling as much and he wouldn’t respond to his name very often.  I thought maybe he had some hearing issues and would bang stuff and make loud noises to see if he would respond to sound.  And yeah he did.  I tried not to compare my first born to Donovan, because anytime I mentioned a comparison, I was told they are individuals.  “They arent the same kid”.  “She is a girl, girls are faster then boys.”  “Boys are slow, don’t worry!” But, I found myself watching every little thing.  I didn’t know much about Autism, but there was a story on the news that stayed with me for some reason.  It was about an autistic little boy who was 7 years old.  He hadn’t received therapy or school, because the parents had issues with Early Intervention.  I would at Donovan and think, what if he were.  But, it was easier and made me feel better to believe that he was a boy and boys were slow. 

We took Dono to all of routine well visits and they asked all the developmental questions and they were never any red flags.  I would occassionally bring up the fact that he was about 16 months and not speaking.  But, they said he is still young, lets wait till his next visit.  Well his next visit, Dono still wasnt talking.  So his pediatrician thought it be a great idea if I called Early Intervention for an assessment.  And so my Journey begins!!!!  

I called Early Intervention first thing Monday morning.  The process went pretty quickly.  The Coordinator came to our home and met with me.  She did the intake and I remember sitting fighting with myself.  Should I, Shouldn’t ask about Autism.  Then She asks me “have any questions?” I felt my lips moving, but I didnt hear what I was saying.  I then heard her speak.  ” Well they dont really check for autism until they are about 36 months, but if you feel strongly we can put in for an pyschological evaluation”  I responded “Yes Please”  She asked me why I wanted to have it done, and at that moment I had no answer other than I have a feeling.  The evaluations began.  We met with the Social Worker and she too agreed that a Psychological would be a good idea.  Then the Special Instructions teacher, the Occupational Therapist, Speech, and the Physical Therapist.  All agreed a psychological was warrented.  He aced the pysical assesment.  That he wouldnt need.  We even went as far as getting his hearing assesed to rule that out as well.  They did find some fluid build up, and he eventually had tubes inserted. 

The day arrived and and the pyschologist was scheduled to come and see Dono.  Now I was present for all of the assesments except the psychological.  I couldnt get off of work, so my husband met with her.  After the assesment, he called and told me that she said, That Donovan did well.  He greeted her with a high five! (Shocking).  She said she didnt want to diagnose him as of yet, but that she wanted to re-evaluate six months later.  All reports were submitted we had our first IFSP, and sessions were to begin immediately.  Therapist were calling to set up time slots immediately.  All except a speech therapist.  Apparently these are hard to come by.  Things were going okay, routines were starting and being followed by my life was turned upside down.  Working rushing home for the therapist.  It was hectic.  And that gnawing feeling wouldnt go away. I spoke with the coordinator and she suggested that I get an external assesment.  So I spoke to our pediatrician and we got an appointment with a neurologist. 

I started noticing that he would play but never with his sister.  and if he did it wasnt for very long.  The SI finally asked me if had been evaluated for Autism.  we discussed the start of my journey and how we got to this point.  She said she was going to speak with her supervisor and have her sit in and asess as well. 

Donovan finally met with the neurologist and his preliminary diagnosis was that Donovan had PDD.  Pervasive Developmental Disorder.  Wow that was huge.  and a blow to my stomach.  I had read about this while doing my research.  and although I had an idea, I still held hope that he was just a bit delayed in speech and he would be fine.  I must have been in denial, because from that day.  I could never say he had autism.  “Is he Autistic?”, I would reply,  “He has PDD”  To me it felt more acceptable and less definite.  They had explained it all to me and Yes I knew he was, but some how that word was not in my vocabulary. 

The SI and the supervisor came to meet with me and evaluate Donovan, and we began to discuss ABA, and all these new therapies. AND There it hit me.  Spectrum, Autism, Form of.  My son was Autistic.  HOLY Shit!!!! I crashed.  I cried. I couldnt talk, my husband who knew less of autism than I did.  Tried to console me, but they was no consoling me.  What did I do.  How did this happen, why him.  what will happen to him when I am not hear.  all of these thoughts along with a million more came flooding through my head.  I started looking up stuff, and getting informed.  Everything said that early diagnosis and therapy have proven progress. 

It was like someone turned a switch or tightened a screw cause I was calm and I had a mission.  All the therapist drilled in me.  Fight for him, dont let them tell you no.  You have a right. and I kept absorbing it all.  He had no voice, so I had to speak for him.  And trust me I did.  I started fighting, I started speaking and I am still fighting and I am still speaking.  I am his advocate, lawyer and Mother. 

Donovan will start kindergarten this September, and although we have come to the end of a path in our Journey, we have a long road ahead of us.  He has progressed a great deal.  He is verbal, at last assesment, his verbal skills were about that of a 3 year old.  He is non verbal very high.  He is a wiz on a computer.  I am not sure what the future holds or how he will turn out, but I do know that I will do whatever it takes. 

My advice to parents or guardians who are or may have to begin this journey, stay informed, speak up and dont take no for an answer.  Therapy is key!!!!

I was watching an episode of Drop Dead Diva last night on my DVR.  It is a show about beauty being skin deep.  The shows leading lady is a big girl, who is a lawyer and was shot by a bullet intended for someone else, she died, but fate stepped in and gave her a new life.  The catch is that it isnt really “her” life, it is the life a model who almost died on the very exact day.  I know I know,  corny, but as a big girl who struggled with body image all my life, I lOVE IT!!!

This paticular episode hit very close to home and made me realize just how much I have supressed my feelings about Donovan being diagnosed with Autism.  In this episode there was a mother and her 17 year old son who was a little person due to a birth defect that could have been detected if they had used a certain test. She had wanted to have children, but she was a single woman and decided to go to a sperm bank to fulfill her dream.  She got pregnant of course and had her baby.  Shortly after he was born it was revealed that he was going to be a dwarf and would need costant therapies, blood transfusions, surgeries, etc. The mother was opposed to suing, because she loved her son just the way he was.  But her son was determined to find a way to get back at the sperm bank.  He felt horrible that his mother was forced to work 18hr days, and multiple jobs in order to make ends meet and even with that she was unable to make her mortgage payments. 

They approached Jane the shows leading lady for assistance in their lawsuit.  Jane tried her best to figure out the best angle to work it so that the mother and son would come out winning.  Her first few ideas werent successful and were dismissed.  The mother was adament and refused to continue trying to go up against the sperm bank.  The opposing arguements were very degrading to her son, and were implying that she did not love her son.  So she did not want to expose her son to this.  The son would not back down.  He felt guilty that his mother was struggling to keep him alive.  So he pushed Jane to continue to look for a way to defeat the sperm bank and hold them liable. 

In their search they came across a letter the mom had written to her son on the day of his birth.  In this letter she wrote about all her expectations, wishes, and dreams for her son.  She addressed it for his 17th Birthday, his 17th Birthday came and went and she never gave her son the letter she wrote to him.  So she didnt know that he was aware it existed.  She hoped that he would be healthy and strong.  Live a life with no boundaries.  That he would become an astronaut, an athlete or even the President. 

Where am I going with this?  I tell you where I am going.  Donovan is 5 years old and I love him with every fiber of my being. I remember when I found out I was pregnant.  I was shocked and couldnt believe it.  I wasnt trying to get pregnant, as a matter of fact I didn’t think that I could even get pregnant.  I had just had Devynn my first born, and she was my last try before I would’ve had to move onto In Vitro Fertilization.  I had so much trouble trying to conceive.  I had to take cloumid and inject myself every month, and follow with Artificial Insemination. ( I know TMI) So you can imagine my surprise when Devynn is only four months old and I find out I am pregnant again!!! But I was initially scared, but very excited to be pregnant. 

I found out I was having a boy and this was great cause now I had the pair.  I would have my Princess and my Prince! Dono was a great baby, we had some bumby roads initally, but we made it through.  At about six months I suspected that something wasn’t quite right, but you know those old wives tales, boys are slower then girls, hell be fine.  Eventually, I knew that there was something and I had to find out.  I was the one who asked that he be evaluated for Autism.  I am not sure why, but I remembered reading an article and it stayed with me.  I wanted him to assesed and sure enough, everyone who assesed him agreed.  Except for the pyschologist.  She wanted to wait six months and then re-evaluate.  Nope, I couldnt risk him missing services for six months, so I took him to a neurologis and there is where they diagnosed him. 

Although I had a feeling I still didnt want it to be true.  I began to freak out, what was I going to do, what was going to happen to my son, what happens when me and his dad are gone who is going to take care of him.  All these worries took over the joy of my son and what I wanted for him. 

As the episode unraveled I realized I was that woman, I had so many expectations for my son, I imagined us at the park, him playing catch with his dad, having tons of friends, him and devynn growing up together, and playing.  I am that woman who loves her child but hurts so much for him.  I never imagined a son who had Autism.  When he was diagnosed I cried, and couldnt contain myself.  I remember I wouldnt say he was autistic, somehow saying he had PDD made him okay. 

I know this going to sound PC and very text book.  Cliche almost, but I love Donovan.  I wouldn’t trade him in.  In fact I believe that I wanted a baby so bad that God knew that I had enough love in my to give him.  To fight for him, because we all have a destiny.  We are brought into this world for a reason.  I was born to have Donovan, Devynn and Dustin.  He was meant for me along with my other two.  What is Donovan’s reason, I don’t know yet, but who says my original dreams, wishes, and expectations are not valid or won’t come true?  He is a wiz with a computer, who knows he may be the next Bill Gates!!!