What my Devynn wrote in her valentine to us!! #valentine #valentinesday #love #daughter #dyslexia #god #raisingthemright

God made me for him!!!! I am blessed with 3 amazing babies!! #piccollage #god #blessed #son #autism #autistic #autismmom #autismparent #1in88 #love #specialneeds #spectrum #neurologistappointment #cham #montefiore #bronx

My car is at the shop getting a make over because she is heading back to her original home at Nissan, so I am riding public transportation.  Yesterday morning was pretty easy except for the slow stop and go that drove a bit insane.  This morning’s bus ride made me cry. 

Those that follow me know that I am a proud Autism mom who adores my Donomite.  I also have two “typical” children.  All three are the air that I breathe, the blood that flows through my veins, and without them I could not live!  As a parent you hope and wish that you do a good job at planting the right seeds in order for your children to blossom and become awesome adults. Youhope that they then will do the same for their children.  But you also worry about what will happen to them once you are gone.  Especially when you have a child with special needs that will most likely need care throughout their lives.  (my eyes are swelling as I type)

Back to my point, LOL sorry! I take the BX 21 to get to work, and I usually bring my ear buds to listening to music and entertain myself.  This morning I had a bit of a shaky start, and got distracted and left my ear buds home.  This made me more aware of my surroundings.  At one of the stops a man got on the bus.  He was shaking a bit as if he were nervous.  There were plenty of empty seats, but he sat next to me.  I noticed a slight odor and braced myself for the ride.  The man began to rock and wiggle his fingers.  And this made me think of my Awesome Donomite.  It made me think about my little boy as a man, and how people would perceive him.  You see and hear so many people talking about people smelling foul and being weird on buses and trains.  So many thoughts ran through my head, and it broke my heart to think of my little boy being alone, and being ridiculed because of mean, ignorant people.  This then cause a snowball effect.  It made me think of Devynn when she has her anxiety attacks, and begins to worry about me dying.  “Mom, when you die, and I have to take care of the boys, will I have a husband?” (truth that is what she asked me!) It makes me feel both hopeful and sad.  I pray that I raise my children, to love and respect one another and those around them.  I want them to want to be there for each other, and appreciate each other! 

God is an awesome being and I know that he will give them the strength he has given me to make it. 

I pray every night before I go to bed at night.  Each and every night I start my prayer off by thanking the good Lord for allowing me another day on this great earth that he created.  I thank him for giving my the gift of life and the gift of giving life.  I am forever grateful for the three most amazing gifts that I have been blessed to conceive and deliver.  I will forever treasure these gifts with my life, and would give up my life for them in the blink of an eye.  No matter what I do, did, or have done, they will always be my greatest accomplishments.  They aren’t perfect, but yet no one is. To me they are the closest thing to perfection I have created.  And God allowed me to do the great honor! 

I also thank God for the ability to love, because I am overflowing with love for my children!  

Dancing With God
When I meditated on the word Guidance, I kept seeing “dance” at the end of the word. I remember reading that doing God’s will is a lot like dancing. When two people try to lead, nothing feels right. The movement doesn’t flow with the music, and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky. When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead, both bodies begin to flow with the music. One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back or by pressing Lightly in one direction or another. It’s as if two become one body, moving beautifully. The dance takes surrender, willingness, and attentiveness from one person and gentle guidance and skill from the other. My eyes drew back to the word Guidance.
When I saw “G: I thought of God, followed by “u” and “i”. “God, “u” and “i” dance.” God, you, and I dance. As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust that I would get guidance about my life. Once again, I became willing to let God lead.
My prayer for you today is that God’s blessings and mercies be upon you on this day and everyday. May you abide in God as God abides in you. Dance together with God, trusting God to lead and to guide you through each season of your life. This prayer is powerful and there is nothing attached.
If God has done anything for you in your life, please share this message with someone else, for prayer is one of the best gifts we can receive. There is no cost but a lots of rewards; so let’s continue to pray for one another………..And I Hope You Dance

So I woke up this morning feeling a little down, not really understanding why or what was triggering me to feel so sad. I thought it must be because the weekend is over and it’s back to work. After a bit I realized, nope that’s not it. So instead of laying there trying to figure out why, I thought how ungrateful am I? I have been blessed with another day, my children are all alive and well. Thank you Father God for giving me more time on this earth to live and enjoy all that is wonderful about life!